Pain is a forest we all get lost in
Between the branches hope can be so hard to see
And in the darkness we've all got questions
We're all just trying to make sense out of suffering but
You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Help me believe it
And I know your promises are faithful
And God, I've seen your goodness in my life
And oh, I've found Your mercy is a river
Your love is an ocean wide
You get glory in the midst of this
And You're walking with me
And You say I am blessed because of this
So, I choose to believe
As I carry this cross, You'll carry me
Audrey Assad.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
hope to the discouraged.
A couple weeks ago, I busted my butt to take a kitchen and bath design firm's 8 day kitchen design challenge to make it into a 3-4 day challenge because of my abnormal work schedule. This challenge was something they gave to their applicants applying for this job opening. We had to take this kitchen, leaving the plumbing and appliances where they already were, and transform it into a traditional or contemporary style. Specifying lighting fixtures, appliance, countertops, concept, budget and hardware were all included in the challenge.
For those 3-4 days it took me back to my college days (my that makes me sound old haha): staying up late, googling all over the internet for cool stuff I wanted for my space, developing a unique concept to set me apart from everyone else and the constant daydreaming about what the final space would look like-a walk through. So, after submitting that challenge and then looking back on my work, I felt pretty good and definitely relieved.
A couple weeks later I ended up getting a call from the President of this firm wanting to know if we could talk a bit about me and my work I had submitted. I was SO happy and I'm sure he could hear that in my voice. He was impressed that this was pretty much the first kitchen projects I done and that most of it was done in AutoCAD and photoshop. I felt really good after this conversation and at the end he said he would give me a follow up soon...that soon turned into days which turned into a week. I finally contacted him and he sent me an email that ended with, 'The selection process is now complete, I wish you all the best'...these are the words I was not ready to see, nor what I was expecting to read.
After I read that I thought...'what went wrong? why didn't I get it? I thought he loved my work and was impressed, so why didn't he hire ME?, I worked so hard to finish on time, so why wasn't I rewarded with this job? I've been waiting for this since May and it's now March...' These thoughts soon turned into sadness and then anger. Anger towards myself for not putting more effort and thought into this project (however much more I could have) and then anger towards God for not letting me get this job or at least another interview. I thought I had a good chance at getting this job...it was even an internship (don't remember if it was paid or not), but I was excited that I could actually be doing something I loved and what I went to school for.
But through all my questions, anger and sadness, I was shown of this verse in Isaiah 49:4
"But I said, I have labored to no purpose, I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due to me is in the Lord's hand and my reward is with my God."
In this whole 'finding a job journey', I have realized how selfish I have become. It's definitely been a process getting to this point and I'm pretty sure my selfish thoughts will come back once in a while. The final product isn't about ME and MY work, but about GOD and the one who has given me the ability to be creative and design. It's not about 'what will I get out of this' or 'how much money will this order give ME' or even 'why didn't I get that job'. It's about self abandonment and grabbing ahold of God's hand letting Him lead, wherever that may be and however long that will take.
Thinking back, Tori and my parents were right-this challenge definitely gave me more experience in learning how to complete a project in a short amount of time, using the resources available to design a space, it's something more I can add to my porfolio and in the end, I enjoyed designing (because it's been so long since I have); I'm glad this still confirms that this is the area I would like to be in :)
Trust is a huge part of learning to surrender our lives and to smallest details that happen every day. My hope is that I will be able to say 'what is due to me is in the Lord's hand and my reward is with my God' and not just think about all of the things I deserve because I worked so hard or because I accomplished something.
Remembering it's not all about ME,
:{ ms stache
For those 3-4 days it took me back to my college days (my that makes me sound old haha): staying up late, googling all over the internet for cool stuff I wanted for my space, developing a unique concept to set me apart from everyone else and the constant daydreaming about what the final space would look like-a walk through. So, after submitting that challenge and then looking back on my work, I felt pretty good and definitely relieved.
A couple weeks later I ended up getting a call from the President of this firm wanting to know if we could talk a bit about me and my work I had submitted. I was SO happy and I'm sure he could hear that in my voice. He was impressed that this was pretty much the first kitchen projects I done and that most of it was done in AutoCAD and photoshop. I felt really good after this conversation and at the end he said he would give me a follow up soon...that soon turned into days which turned into a week. I finally contacted him and he sent me an email that ended with, 'The selection process is now complete, I wish you all the best'...these are the words I was not ready to see, nor what I was expecting to read.
After I read that I thought...'what went wrong? why didn't I get it? I thought he loved my work and was impressed, so why didn't he hire ME?, I worked so hard to finish on time, so why wasn't I rewarded with this job? I've been waiting for this since May and it's now March...' These thoughts soon turned into sadness and then anger. Anger towards myself for not putting more effort and thought into this project (however much more I could have) and then anger towards God for not letting me get this job or at least another interview. I thought I had a good chance at getting this job...it was even an internship (don't remember if it was paid or not), but I was excited that I could actually be doing something I loved and what I went to school for.
But through all my questions, anger and sadness, I was shown of this verse in Isaiah 49:4
"But I said, I have labored to no purpose, I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due to me is in the Lord's hand and my reward is with my God."
In this whole 'finding a job journey', I have realized how selfish I have become. It's definitely been a process getting to this point and I'm pretty sure my selfish thoughts will come back once in a while. The final product isn't about ME and MY work, but about GOD and the one who has given me the ability to be creative and design. It's not about 'what will I get out of this' or 'how much money will this order give ME' or even 'why didn't I get that job'. It's about self abandonment and grabbing ahold of God's hand letting Him lead, wherever that may be and however long that will take.
Thinking back, Tori and my parents were right-this challenge definitely gave me more experience in learning how to complete a project in a short amount of time, using the resources available to design a space, it's something more I can add to my porfolio and in the end, I enjoyed designing (because it's been so long since I have); I'm glad this still confirms that this is the area I would like to be in :)
Trust is a huge part of learning to surrender our lives and to smallest details that happen every day. My hope is that I will be able to say 'what is due to me is in the Lord's hand and my reward is with my God' and not just think about all of the things I deserve because I worked so hard or because I accomplished something.
Remembering it's not all about ME,
:{ ms stache
Thursday, March 3, 2011
jamming.
Takes me back to the days of youth group and chilling after hours. Now we are all old: our leader has been married for a couple of years now, I am done with college and getting married, and the other two have been in college for almost 4 years. It's so encouraging meeting up during our busy lives and actually making the effort to, not just because we were in a group, but because we actually want to hang out.
Throughout the night I was just praising God and thinking about how he's brought us all to this point; this point of still wanting to worship Him. I'm sure college has been a big part in molding and shaping us into the people we have become today. For example, this one guy, who used to be a quiet little boy, now at least a couple inches taller than me, who wouldn't really want to sing in front of the congregation, who told me he would lip sync (or maybe I made that up? haha) when yg led worship, was now leading us in worship during our jam session. Teaching us new songs he learned in college, singing and playing the guitar while we had the drums and electric going, I thought this was a YAY GOD moment.
Throughout the night I was just praising God and thinking about how he's brought us all to this point; this point of still wanting to worship Him. I'm sure college has been a big part in molding and shaping us into the people we have become today. For example, this one guy, who used to be a quiet little boy, now at least a couple inches taller than me, who wouldn't really want to sing in front of the congregation, who told me he would lip sync (or maybe I made that up? haha) when yg led worship, was now leading us in worship during our jam session. Teaching us new songs he learned in college, singing and playing the guitar while we had the drums and electric going, I thought this was a YAY GOD moment.
Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty
We are not the same people as we were in youth group, nor are we able to make it like it was before, but I'm so blessed to have my brothers in Christ to show me how God is working in their lives and in return, I am able to praise God through that.
This is such an awesome song (found this again while jamming), one in which I want to always keep to remember He's the one that found us, changed us, and gave us all that we need.
Covered by the blood of the Lamb,
:{ ms stache
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
for what it's worth.
March 1, 2011: 138 days till our wedding, 9 months as an alumni, 7 months attending bsf (bible study fellowship), 5 months working at Penny Mustard, 3 interviews in the past couple of weeks and day 1 of my new blog!
Why now: One, the last time I wrote in a blog was during the xanga days. two, it is a beginning of a new month and an exciting year is ahead (so why not?) and three, I was really challenged to begin this blogging experience again.
Goal: begin each day/week with a prayer in praise of God for who he is, to document all the 'yay God' or 'I surrender' moments and look back on them especially in the midsts of the good times when I tend to forget most.
Special note: I will not guarantee that my writing, grammar or posts will always entertain you or be perfect, but if anything, I hope that I will see the ways that God has carried, sustained and rescued me which only causes me to fall on my knees in gratitude to Him.
excited for this new adventure,
:{ ms stache
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)